Crop Circle Baldness Reported in England
Thatchmould, Eng (AP) Four dozen baffling cases of pictographic male pattern baldness have been documented in the southwestern Cornwall region of England during the past seven months. The curiously shaped hieroglyphic symbols have appeared on the skulls of men aged seven-teen to fifty-one. The ideograms take between three to five weeks to fully develop. These symbols bear a striking resemblance to the enigmatic crop circles that have mysteriously materialized in the area during the past decade.
No medical explanation for the sudden hair loss has been discovered yet. Hormone imbalance, bacterial infection, pestilential infestation, caustic agents and clandestine barbering have all been ruled out. The local expert on the disease, Dr. Hume Hu of the NuJuvenation Hair Clinique, denies the possibility that this phenomenon will prove to be fraudulent like the crop circle incidents were. "Would a man permanently disfigure himself in such a manner for the sake of few pounds?" asks Dr. Hu rhetorically.
The epicenter of the outbreak is the small village of Pickeling-upon-Noggin with other hotspots in the Cornish burroughs of Tuftside, Branebocks, Patemoor and Frecclehyde. The hairless designs range in form from small simple bulls' eyes to complex geometric patterns with no discernable meaning. Speculation among local residents about an extraterrrestrial origin for the disease is rampant. Doctor Hu admits that appointments for hair replacement surgery at his clinic have increased dramatically in the past few months along with sales of hats, wigs and hairpieces.