REDSKINS TAKE HENDERSON WITH NINTH PICK

New York NY (AP) Football fans everywhere were stunned yesterday when the Washington Redskins selected unknown free agent Harry "Sasquatch" Henderson with the ninth overall pick in the first round. Commissioner Rubbert Goodsell was so taken aback, he started to mutely turn in circles. Not a single draft forecaster had even heard of Sasquatch - Henderson, much less tabbed him as a high first rounder. At 7 foot 3 inches and 426 pounds, it seems impossible that no NFL scout noticed his athletic potential. Sasquatch is the adopted son of George and Nancy Henderson of Seattle, WA. They accidentally discovered Harry when they ran him over with their car deep in Snoqualmie National Forest seventy miles east of Seattle. Though stunned by the collision, Henderson wasn?t injured in the least. The car however was seriously damaged. Harry?s adaptation to human society was a constant comedy of errors for the Henderson family. However it immediately became apparent that he was fascinated by the game of football on TV. George Henderson revealed that this attraction may be due to Harry?s amazing ability to run down and capture deer barehanded for fun. He also enjoys watching "King Kong" and Ronald Reagan's "Bonzo" films. Washington GM Alan George Jr. revealed that the Redskins were tipped off by a Seattle garbage collector whose truck had become wedged on a curb. Harry lifted it off quite easily. When asked if he expected to be drafted, Henderson only mut- tered "Grrrmmpf." Head coach Mack Shamaham is highly excited by the prospect of having Sasquatch play defensive end, tackle and linebacker all at the same time this coming season. "We can add an extra linebacker and free safety!" chortled Shamaham. Fred Dienst, equipment manager for the Redskins, noted that the un- usual size of Sasquatch's feet will require custom-made cleats, to say nothing of shoulder pads, helmet, gloves, uniform and other traditional football gear. Wash- ington linebacker Byron Akrappo has already nicknamed him "Big Hands AND Big Feet." Team nutritionist Ernestine Gorgonzolla remarked that Henderson?s diet of vast quantities of goldfish, birch tree leaves and sugar cubes presents some problems. Another may be Sasquatch?s atypical aroma, his presence in confined spaces like hotel rooms, aircraft cabins and locker rooms has led to disturbing reactions. Redskins VP in charge of transportation Don Snydley (SEE DRAFT F3)

COWBOYS QB ROMO ANNOUNCES RETIREMENT

Dallas TX (AP) Citing medical advice from his personal physician, Dallas quarter- back Tony Romo announced his immediate retirement from pro football today. In a very brief statement, Romo explained that the side effects from two concussions he sustained last year will make it impossible for him to continue playing for the Cowboys. By voluntarily retiring, Romo will not be eligible to receive any money from the long term contract he renegotiated two years ago. The total amount of the contract is unknown but it is speculated to be in the $22 million range. When asked if Washington's surprise draft pick had anything to do with his deci- sion, Romo declined to answer. With no viable prospects at the back-up quarter- back position, the Cowboys are in danger of missing the post-season again. Head coach Mason Garrote refused to speculate on the situation. Dallas owner Barry Bones has checked into Mt. Banke Hospital for unspecified reasons and could not be reached for comment. Redskins fans were heard outside the hospital chanting "Romo, Romo, wherefore art thou Romo?"

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