Double Jeopardy

By Scott Warner

I was so delighted when I was selected as a contestant for Jeopardy on PBS. On the day of the show, I drove to the PBS studio in Baltimore. I was in the dressing room changing clothes when another contestant mentioned that I should've brought some lifesavers with me in case my mouth got dry. I ran out to the lobby in my underwear looking for a candy machine when I realized it didn't matter because I didn't have any money because I didn't have any pockets! But I was quickly running out of time, so I desperately raced back to the dressing room but got lost and couldn't find it! Now I really was late, I was already supposed to be onstage for the introductions.

So sans culottes, I burst through the studio doors and . . . they were taping some kind of bowling show for little kids! I stupidly asked the stage manager where the Jeopardy show was and he said, "No no, this is Baltimore, we don't carry Jeopardy. You must mean the PBS station in DC." I managed to take one gulp of air before my lungs locked up as the enormity of the mistake I had made hit me. I was going to be famous as the stupidest Jeopardy contestant ever . . . not only can't he keep his pants on, he can't even do it in the right city!